Well so the gods of e-mail forwards tell me... and who am I to disagree? Pretty funny anyhow.
'I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.'
'My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it,'
'The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.'
'I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.'
'......and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.'
'I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.'
'This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.'
'I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. Ithink it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.'
'I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.'
'.....50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.'
'The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.'
'Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.'
'Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone rround to do something about it.'
'I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.'
'Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.'