You don't feel as if you can go it on your own anymore. You don't want to be taken for granted ... You need to be recognised as a "caring person" and it could be that you are searching to establish a relationship, not necessarily with someone new ... but with that someone special who could feel the same way as you do.
Enough is enough ... But the problems never seem to stop. They never stop.. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on ...and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit ...You bounce back - Time again and again.... you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that "belief" system that in the end -everything will turn out OK...and you are right....it will !
You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all ... The existing situation is not of your liking. You have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others ... and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of "total surrender". This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome; You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able can you maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence "you need to be needed" ... and at the same time... .."you need to need".
You really like doing what you do and more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that "If its not fun - then don't do it" You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but , for what you are.. and it seems to be working..