April 20th, 2004

fishy wishy

Career thoughts.

I still have no job.

I have come to realise that this is, in part, because I have this mental block when it comes to applications and cv/resumé writing. I just freeze, go into some kind of brain-lock. I loathe doing it, and I'm not sure why. Part of it is probably some kind of reverse psychology balls from my parents, but... I dunno. Its wierd.

However.. I also blow goats, and ugly hairy ones at that, at selling myself.

For example: skills.

Saying you know something isn't good enough, you have to quantify how well you know it. Usually this is on the scale of Basic > Intermediate > Advanced > Expert. How they hell can I quantify that?

I like to think I'm good at photoshop, I suck at sketching, but I can use the program to do things rather well. Sketching is a different skill anyhow.. but yeah, so.. how good am I? I know people who know lots less than me, but also lots more. Are the ones that know more than me Experts? Or are they just even more expert experts?

Do I actually suck and only know it at an Intermediate level? How can I tell?

Now imagine this dilema for every single skill I posess, you can see why I go into brain-lock huh? This is especially a problem in the more arty things, like design or such like. Its subjective isn't it? Isn't it?

I also hate at writing creatively about jobs. Retail Sales Assistant is about all I can pull out of my ass for a counter jockey... so how the hell can I sell that to an employer? What DID I do there? I made money, I made the company money, so? Everyone does that, its not special.

I guess it all comes down to a certain level of confidence, and knowing what you can get away with. I have very little of both. This is not good.


this entry made more sense in my mind.