I shouldn't listen to Jazz, it breaks me down and leaves me melancholy.
I've been cleaning my room today.. and I find little things, smells, memories... they're bringing me down. Its autumn, another year on. Halloween soon, and the bag of Wassail spices I bought will still sit there, unopened, no Halloween party for me.
July hopes, October realities.
The smell of my shower gel reminds me of poolside, and the lazy days had there. Laying in the sun, and the sunburn afterwards. My rucksack smells of her room, and it stops me short.
So much has changed.
I remember my plans and I listen to the song. I'm not feeling my best. I guess I knew we were over that July 4th weekend, but I had hope for the future. Now I'm just sitting here trying to work out what happened.. so close.. so close.
I'm glad of what we had, and what we still have.
I'm lonely, and thats all there is too it. None of this 'no you're not' stuff, yes I am. I'm here, and my friends are there, and everywhere. Since I've come back I've known that I've lost something I didn't notice before, and now its gone I want it back. Someone tell me what I do wrong over here that I don't on here? Am I really that different in the flesh?
Ah screw it.. you don't want to read more angsty moaning do you? You've got the rest of LJ for that...
In the wee small hours of the morning.. thats when I miss her.. most of all..