September 4th, 2002

live in colour

(no subject)

I've been told that some people find me to be a condescending asshole online.

Certainly I'll not present myself as false just to be friends with you. I'll say what I feel about you, and your views, to your face, not behind your back.

When I explain something I'll explain it as clearly and as simply as possible. This happens for two reasons:
#1 - It helps cause less confusion about what I mean, and makes my point clearer.
#2 - I've been used to teaching primary school kids issues through drama, so that where my teaching experience comes from

Perhaps this makes me condescending. If it does then I didn't know about it. Is it condescending to try and make sure everyone understands by explaining clearly and simply?
Maybe. Am I a condescending asshole?
Perhaps. I don't know about that, take me as you find me. I'll tell you what I am though.
I'm tired.

Tired of people that expect to tell you that you are wrong without explaining why they are right.
Tired of people who think they are better than anyone else. Newsflash, you're not.
Tired of people taking the internet so fucking seriously. We don't have the ability to express the same range of emotion here as we do even on the phone. Calm down and take a step back for Christ's sake, it probably wasn't meant like that, and if it was.. so what?
Tired of petty little arguments that mean nothing and are treated as if they are the end of the world.
Tired of stupid little squabbles behind my or other peoples back. Say something to my face if you have a problem with me. I can deal, I'm a adult.
Tired of people assuming I'm angry because I object to something they've said. Another newsflash: I'm not, I'm trying to put my point across too, then we can talk about it like adults not some pathetic school yard brawl.

I'm also physically tired right now. I don't know why. I've had a long weekend, I've got money troubles, but even that shouldn't make me this tired. Whatever the cause it has made me a bit narky. My patience is a little thinner and my temper a bit shorter. Not that this makes much difference, as I've not really got angry for quite a while... even so.. the patience is less, so I may be blunter with you than normal. I won't insult you though. So don't take it that way..

this is me. DC the Asshole. Ta-ta for now.

to the person who told me this, none of this is directed at you. So you know
  • Current Music
    Norah Jones - Ain't Gonna Ask You
fishy wishy


Well finally found out how bad my finances are today. I knew I was skirting close to my overdraft limit, but turns out I was closer than I thought. After this months frollics I am offically completley broke. In fact I'd go as far as to say further than broke...

I'm at the limit of my overdraft and I have money oweing on my credit card... fuck. I'll have no money coming in for another month. My parents have aggreed to loan me some money so that I don't get the repo men around or anything, but of course I'm going to have to pay them back.

With what though? I'm starting this new Events Manager job monday next week, but it'll barely be enough to pull my bank balance into check before christmas. I've been looking for a part time job to suplement this one, but as the hours are "flexable" at the Hermit Club I've no idea what they actaully are until next week. This doesn't put me in a great position. Also I have the Volunteer IT thing 'm doing for Theatre Resource at their UK Online center.. frankly if its a job or them.. bye bye them. Unless they pay me for it..

Add to that the whole GateCentral/EveGate work.. and working on a portfolio.. all my computer 'work' in fact. I'm getting a real sence of apathy atm.

I still feel tired permanantly, which doesn't help. The only times recently I've felt good were ECTS and The Road Trip. Even then I knew I'd be paying for it in the end.. arse.

Am I wallowing? I feel as if I'm being really self centered.. but right now everything apears fucked up. Its a year on from when I graduated and I'm still stuck in no-hope land. With no way out. No end in sight...
  • Current Music
    Wayne Static- Not Meant for Me