DarkCryst (darkcryst) wrote,

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Firstly: No drama, just a friends trim.

No offense to anyone I've cut, I'm just either not reading you, or we're not talking, or you don't post. It pretty much comes down to that. Nothing personal.

If you think I accidentally clicked too many checkboxes comment and let me know, maybe you've been away or something. Thats cool. I just needed to trim the chaff.

Now onto more important things...

I've been a bit of an ass, and I feel a public apology is in order. Specifically to miriammiriam, my lovely Miriam.

A little while ago I added someone to my friends list because I though she had an interesting journal and wrote well. Nothing wrong with that you might think, however there is another proviso here: she works in the sex industry.

Now she's pretty upfront about this, which I suppose was kind of refreshing. However I should have thought how this would impact Miriam. When you are in a long distance relationship it is the little things that can mean a lot. Miriam knows she has nothing to worry about from this woman (I hope..), but I understand why she is upset by it. Miriam means far, far, more to me than someone I've only just met. So I happily deleted this other woman from my contacts. Not a problem.

However... trying to remember where I had encountered her journal I thought I had seen her on Warren Ellis's LJ, or maybe Cheries. I was wrong. I didn't mean to lie about that, it was just my best recollection at the time. But I was still wrong. Understandably that didn't look too good. Especially as it turned out I probably saw her at boobiebar which I found vie customers_suck. Again, doesn't look to good does it? Like I have some kind of nudie bar fetish or something. I don't, I just found them both interesting, but that isn't point: I should have at least mentioned them because I should have known it could have been an issue.

All in all: I was thoughtless, and should have at least mentioned it to Miriam. For some reason I didn't actually think it would be an issue, which looking back is pretty fucking dumb I know, and of course it was.

I don't talk about Miriam on here a lot, hell I don't talk on here a lot full stop any more, but I really should. Miriam gives me purpose in life, she makes me happy. She is a wonderful and talented artist who makes me laugh and cry, and is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. She is everything to me, and it hurts me when I hurt her; however that happens.

I have had probably one of the worst days in recent memory, beating myself up, just because I've hurt her. It wasn't what I wanted, and I would never intentionally hurt, or lie to, her. LDR's are hard, and we both know that. I should have been more respectful of her feelings and I know that. I'm kicking myself for putting us both in this situation.

There's not much I can say that I haven't said, but here it is again: I'm sorry hon. I love you with all my heart, I never want to be without you. It hurts to see you hurting because of something goddamn careless and stupid on my part. If there is anything, anything, I can do... let me know.. because I don't want to be without you; you are my everything, my world, my love.

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