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And the saxaphone plays...

I shouldn't listen to Jazz, it breaks me down and leaves me melancholy.

I've been cleaning my room today.. and I find little things, smells, memories... they're bringing me down. Its autumn, another year on. Halloween soon, and the bag of Wassail spices I bought will still sit there, unopened, no Halloween party for me.

July hopes, October realities.

The smell of my shower gel reminds me of poolside, and the lazy days had there. Laying in the sun, and the sunburn afterwards. My rucksack smells of her room, and it stops me short.

So much has changed.

I remember my plans and I listen to the song. I'm not feeling my best. I guess I knew we were over that July 4th weekend, but I had hope for the future. Now I'm just sitting here trying to work out what happened.. so close.. so close.

I'm glad of what we had, and what we still have.

I'm lonely, and thats all there is too it. None of this 'no you're not' stuff, yes I am. I'm here, and my friends are there, and everywhere. Since I've come back I've known that I've lost something I didn't notice before, and now its gone I want it back. Someone tell me what I do wrong over here that I don't on here? Am I really that different in the flesh?

Ah screw it.. you don't want to read more angsty moaning do you? You've got the rest of LJ for that...

In the wee small hours of the morning.. thats when I miss her.. most of all..

Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
rinnywee
26th Oct, 2003 14:09 (UTC)
Regardless of how amicable it may have been, she hurt you, and that is something I can never forgive.

I'm here if when you need me.
darkcryst
26th Oct, 2003 15:12 (UTC)
Thanks you Erin :)

I think you are being a bit harsh on Avionne tho, like you say.. it was amicable.

We're good friends, and tho the conciquences of all that are about this post.. its not so much that that is the spark.

But as I said to you.. thanks, its apricated.. and other spelling mistakes.
fullofwhispers
26th Oct, 2003 14:54 (UTC)
I don't have anything magical to say. Just hugs.

I'm sorry you're hurting. You don't deserve it.
miriammiriam
26th Oct, 2003 15:02 (UTC)
hey...i don't know the details of what you're going through...but it sounds like you're going through something similar to what i went through a couple months ago, and what i'm still going through. i'm here if you ever want to talk to me, and it does'nt even have to be about that. sometimes it just helps to talk. i know i'm silly, but i listen too. i know it can be hard to talk online though.
if you want to call me sometime, just ask, and i'll give you my number.
*big hugs* <:\
catwoman1980
26th Oct, 2003 15:06 (UTC)
*tears* - I wish I could just make all of the hurt go away for you. Although I don't know that much about your situation, I'm really sorry that you feel so down. You know how to get in touch with me if you need someone to talk with or anything really. Call me even. <3

-Jules
catwoman1980
26th Oct, 2003 18:43 (UTC)
If it helps, I really really really really really really really enjoyed the phone conversation we had Friday afternoon. :) Look forward to you calling again sometime. =)
darkcryst
28th Oct, 2003 02:19 (UTC)
thanks hon. It was nice to just jabber away to someone :)
(Deleted comment)
darkcryst
28th Oct, 2003 02:18 (UTC)
I hope so too :)

I really do.

Thanks hon. Here's to us having coffee at Greyfriars again :)
hinterland
26th Oct, 2003 22:00 (UTC)
How about listening to some happy boogie woogie like BB King's "Let The Good Times Roll"!? Now that is one album that picks me up every time I put it on... :)

*hug*
darkcryst
28th Oct, 2003 02:19 (UTC)
good idea!

oh wait I don't have any bb king! *gasp*

This shall be rectified!
litlaskvis
27th Oct, 2003 02:29 (UTC)
i know how you feel, like exactly.

mio's things are still all over my house. his books, his clothes, his little nothings that mean the world to him and me.... it is just hard and i understand it.

all i can say is that it will get better, and i hope it gets better for you soon.

((hugs))
darkcryst
28th Oct, 2003 02:17 (UTC)
Yeah...

thanks Linda :)

*big hugs back*
missy_poo
27th Oct, 2003 16:41 (UTC)
I like to think that even though things may suck now, they will work out in the end..ya know..whether it is the way you once wanted it to be or not:)
darkcryst
28th Oct, 2003 02:20 (UTC)
I'd like to think that too.. but I've been hearing similar things for two years now (about various things)..

my general responce now is "Oh yeah? When?" *sigh*

ah well.. we can only hope.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )